Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
ttyl tear gas
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
