theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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