**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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