I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
