I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
