thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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