Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you never un-have a 4some
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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