Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
