i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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