That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
