It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
