i don't like sucking hair
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
