I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
