I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
