I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
