Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
