My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
