at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
