The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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