I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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