I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
