i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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