Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
