Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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