how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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