"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
