I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I love black thongs
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
