No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
