Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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