You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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