Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
