i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
