I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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