you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
