God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
