Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
