he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
