I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
