Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
