life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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