For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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