so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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