But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
