she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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