For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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