I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize