Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
