I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
