I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
