Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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