so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
