My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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