I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
