Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
