I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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