Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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