Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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