Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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