We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
