This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize