she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
