tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
