I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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