I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
