please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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