i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
