God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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