I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
