my room smells like sperm. sweet.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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