called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is Oprah even human
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
