I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
