She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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