dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
