there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
