and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
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It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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