Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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