Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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