On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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