i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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